Using your spawn as a pawn in your breakup

This topic may sound a bit racy but for those to whom it applies, then it fits perfectly. Stop using your child as a pawn in your breakup between yourself and your spouse. There are some many stories in this regard and it keeps happening. Women are especially guilty of this although men do it too.
You are hurting your child or children. Whatever the problem is, it is between the adults so stop placing your children in the middle or using them as pawns in your sick twisted, game.
So the relationship or marriage did not work out, regardless of the reason, stop using your child as leverage against your spouse. These have turned out so badly in some instances. There have been cases where the disenfranchised spouse kills the child and then himself.
Think about it, you have separated and you get custody of the child plus child support, the father only gets visiting rights and even that you want to strip from him. In this case although you know he loves his child and would never hurt him/her you still dig in to deny him as much as possible from seeing his child, especially when you know how much the child means to him.
Remember that your child will grow up one day and will eventually learn the truth as you can hide everything from the child for so long.
So, parents, regardless  of what your spouse did to you, please do not deny the other parent of seeing their child or plant negative seeds in your child's head about the other parent. In the long run, whether you recognize it or not, you are hurting our child. This will be one bitter and confused child.
Regardless of the reason for the breakup, leave your child/children out of your mess, it is just not healthy for them and if you love your children any at all, you would not hurt them this way.

It takes two to tango

So far it may seem that I may be biased towards women in my posts, so now I will place my focus in favour of men as it takes two to tango. It is so easy for women to complain about their men, such as, they are not considering their feelings, or not helping out at home to name a few. Let us look at the other perspective. What would men complain about?
Nagging: This is a common complaint among men. Men hate to be nagged and I am not saying that they do not deserve it at times but as women we need to learn when to pick our battles.

No! No! No! to that relationship

We all want to be loved and that is a good thing. It is a great feeling to be in love and to feel love, however, one should not settle for less than they want. I am not talking about placing your expectancies high above what you are willing to give or superficial expectancies, such as, a rich partner who owns a castle or yacht.
The concern here though is about the negatives. It is really disheartening to hear some of the stories that individuals, whether men or women put up with in a relationship and then complain about.
A classic case was where this young lady told her boyfriend that she wanted to slow down the relationship and then he got vengeful and started sending her receipts of past dates and informing her that she needs to reimburse him. The worst part to the story is she is wondering if she should continue the relationship as she does not have the money to repay him. Seriously!!!? This guy is the epitome of jerk and she should run far from him. This is the cue to let her know that she should not continue a relationship with him. He obviously is controlling and if he does not get what he wants then bad things will happen. This would be a toxic relationship and she would not be happy. It makes me feel so upset even just writing this. He has no scruples! When they were dating, he willingly paid for the dates, that is what men do but to want his money back when she wants to slow things down is just plain low.

Growing together or apart

For any relationship to last and to be happy, it needs work. When two person come together in a
relationship, regardless of their baggage that they each carry, their relationship basket is empty and requires them to fill it together. Many persons enter into a relationship and expect everything to happen at once the way that they want it. Also, the relationship may start out perfect, you spend a lot of time together, you complete each others' sentences, you are the ideal perfect couple.
Life does not stand still so you either grow with it or stay still. With life evolving, it could be a matter of job promotions, children or other family issues, such as, illness. These are some of the triumphs or challenges that are in the basket and how they are dealt with determines the strengths of the individuals or even the 'basket'.

Two becoming one

The scriptures teaches that a man and woman shall leave their parents and be joined together in matrimony and the two shall become one.
Is this to be taken literally? Do the two individuals now become like Siamese, where they are always together and doing the same things? Does this mean that they no longer connect with family and friends?
This would seem like a boring and claustrophobic life. I do recognize that there a some people who actually believe that this is what it means when two individuals get married. Sure, you need to spend time with each other and get to know each other more but you also need time apart to cherish the relationship that you have.

Should you compromise in the relationship or for the relationship?

So often we hear of complaints, mostly from women, about their relationship with their spouses. Sure there is different strokes for different folks but I find that women can be picky and seemingly dissatisfied. Now when a woman complains that her husband refuses to "pee" in front of her, is she still in her right mind? Women are being verbally and physically abused, in relationships with men who are addicts and their only contribution to their relationship is to create more havoc in their lives than anything else and her concern is that her husband refuses to pee in front of her?! Seriously lady?!

To share or not to share your partner

In this day of sexual exploration and liberation, we find couples exploring with each other as well as with others or engaging in bisexual relationships. The question is, is there monogamy in bisexual relationships?  A case in point, a bisexual female gets together with a man then vows that she would give up her other relationship and be faithful to him. Is this really possible? Can a bisexual partner stick to one sex/gender completely and be faithful? Is this a relationship that someone seeking a faithful partner should get into and hope for the best?

How to stop selling yourself short

Recently, while watching television, I overheard two women pouring out their hearts as to how they

devoted not only their time but finances on men who dumped them and started feeling sorry for themselves. They thought they were unlovable to the point where rejection, even if it is from afar is taken personally.

Nothing is wrong with being kind to your partner but it should not be the reason to keep him. What you are doing is buying his affection and there will come a time when that is no longer enough to keep him. Unfortunately for you, he was only sticking around because of what he could get from you, not for love and in your desperation to keep a man, you did not recognize that he was only using you.

Ladies, come on! You can do better than that. You deserve better than that! Firstly, you need to get out of desperate mode and getting into self mode. In self mode, you work on yourself and become a better you. Work on your self esteem and confidence, improve on yourself in other areas as are necessary, possibly your job or wardrobe, and then date yourself for a while. It is that air of confidence about you that will attract the man that you want to attract, then he will do the chasing.

Signs your relationship is over

There is a saying that it is better to be happily unmarried than to be unhappily married. Marriages nowadays just do not last as long as they used to for varying reasons. We are not going to look at those reasons now as what we will be looking at is some of the signs that the relationship is over.
Women are more emotional and will cling on to the last drop, whereas men will not want to share their possessions so will hold on to a dead relationship.
So, what are some of the signs that the relationship is over?

• If you have not shared a bed in over two years and there are no other reasons such as a sick child or parent who lives with you and needs constant supervision, or one spouse is ill and cannot perform certain marital duties. So you should know then that it is definitely over if you have gone over five years!

Is he really the one?

I am all for female upliftment and empowerment so I am deeply hurt when I hear women, my fellow sisters complaining about the men in their lives. On closer examination, unfortunately, it is the women who choose to get involved with men who do not even care about them.
Today I am going to highlight some situations to open your eyes to whether or not he is interested in a relationship with you. Just before I get to that, I will say this: Women please know your self worth as that is one of the keys to recognizing how interested your man is.

• If he only calls when he needs something from you, he is not interested in a progressive relationship with you. He is only interested in what he can get from you.
• If the only compliment that you receive from him is about your sexual prowess. He is definitely not interested in you as a life partner but only sees you as a sex partner.
• If he constantly makes unfulfilled promises then always has an excuse to cover it up. He is not good enough for you and is not someone you should waste your time with.

Should your family be involved in your relationship?

I'm not big on reality television especially where it involves families but I have had the privilege of observing two briefly. One family is constantly in the limelight so without having to watch them on television, I am constantly aware of them. I have observed that these families are female dominated so the men seem to follow while the women lead and in most cases are obnoxious to the men.

My focus though is on the men who date these women and have to be subjected to the mothers and female siblings in these families whim and fancies. So here I ask the question. Should families be involved in the relationships of other family members? I am not talking about getting to know the family or having dinner on occasion. I am talking about the intimate details of each others' lives and the extent of telling the bewildered male how to treat their daughter or sister.

Finding Mr Right

Many times over, I hear women complain about the men in their life and they always start with the phrase, "he is a great person but", and they want advice as to how to change their husband. Seriously? At what point in the relationship did you realise this problem? Be honest here, did you notice it from early in the relationship and figured that there is time enough to change him? Unfortunately you were not able to but now you need external help to deal with it. Is that trait that bad that you cannot compromise or live with it? But then you have been living with it for years!

You cannot change others, you can only change yourself. Let us look back at the topic. To experience that happy and lasting relationship, firstly, you have to find the person that is right for you. The key is to get to know the person beneath the surface, beneath the generic, tall, dark and handsome or must have a job. These are important as these would be the primary part of your list and everyone has their type, however, the important part that determines your deal breaker comes from getting to know the person.

In getting to know your person takes time and effort. It means going to different places such as, the beach, movies, restaurant, game, church or wherever you choose or like but it is about getting to know the person in different scenarios as people will actually behave differently depending on the place or situation that they are in.
Take note of the different behaviours. Were you pleased all the time or upset most of the time? How does he react to the situations that you did not like? Was he apologetic or was he arrogant and think that you should accept him for who he is? He may very well have a point there if that is the case but guess what? You don't need to stick around and hope that he will change. Know your deal breaker and the sooner you move on, then the soon you can find your Mr Right.