Growing together or apart

For any relationship to last and to be happy, it needs work. When two person come together in a
relationship, regardless of their baggage that they each carry, their relationship basket is empty and requires them to fill it together. Many persons enter into a relationship and expect everything to happen at once the way that they want it. Also, the relationship may start out perfect, you spend a lot of time together, you complete each others' sentences, you are the ideal perfect couple.
Life does not stand still so you either grow with it or stay still. With life evolving, it could be a matter of job promotions, children or other family issues, such as, illness. These are some of the triumphs or challenges that are in the basket and how they are dealt with determines the strengths of the individuals or even the 'basket'.

When two persons come together in a relationship, although they are two separate individuals, they are one unit so whatever they do should be in consideration of the unit and not the individual. It is no longer, 'I' or "you" but "us" and "we".  If a promotion means more money, less time at home with the family, late evenings at work, then it is for discussion as a family. Yes there is prestige, status and more disposable income but there is also room for family breakdown.
How do you deal with this? This is a challenge for the family and where considerations should be given on both sides. The wives and children seem to be the ones affected in most cases. Yes, it can also go the other way as there are husbands who stay home to take care of the children while their wives work so I am not being biased. This can be from either side but I am using the wives in this example. The wife works and still has to keep the family unit together. She may become bitter and angry as she becomes more stressed with the challenges of dealing with home, work and school.
On the other hand, the husband may also be feeling stressed and burnt out because of the demands of work and expects his family to understand. There is no communication and whenever it happens, it is each person trying to prove their point instead of listening to each other and making compromises. This is the beginning of things falling apart.
This can be helped, especially if both partners are still in love with each other and want their relationship to work. Some solutions are:

• Firstly, communication, talk about your feelings, no judging and express what you would prefer. This should be by both individuals, then find an amicable solution. It may be difficult to give up the job but find ways of making things work. Instead of the wife complaining that he is never home, invest in her family and maintain the family structure. Show her husband love when he gets home. Let him know that he is appreciated.
• Make time to spend with each other. Set a timetable for the children alone and one for your spouse. Sure things will come in between but make an effort to work it out.
• Be understanding of each other. Recognize each others' contribution to the relationship and work together, not apart.
• Keep nagging and accusations out of the relationship and work together focusing your energy on more positive outcomes at all times. Remember, it is about unity.
• Create an atmosphere of love.
• Cherish the moments that you share together and make them as memorable as possible.
• Finally, be willing to compromise and give of yourselves to each other.

Men are more providers and spend more time outside trying to provide, so I encourage women to hold on as they are the ones to keep the family together, to remember appointments, school conferences  and check homework. It can be overwhelming at times but find that inner peace and contentment.
Women have been gifted with multitasking while men are more tactical and focus on one thing at a time. An effective relationship is where both partners are aware of their strengths and weaknesses and each supplement and complement each other for the greater good.
I urge you as women, work with your spouses and foster a good relationship in the home, especially if he is your soul mate.
Grow together in the relationship instead of apart.